SPEAKER_01 0:13

Hello, here's something that we hear all the time. I don't feel like myself anymore, but my doctor says everything's fine. And then comes the line, it's just your age. So we're gonna be talking about that today. Have we normalized feeling crappy and old in midlife? If so, we're gonna talk about it right now. So it's myself, James Ellis, and my fellow coach.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Hi, I'm Julie Medacy.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

And we are the team for Fabulous Beyond 40 and our podcast Empower Your Menopause. So, what we're gonna be diving in today is absolutely this question. People being told that it's just their age when there's other things going on. And we're not saying that age is not a factor in everything that might be going on, but is it the reason that things are going a little bit, let's say, skew with then in midlife and beyond for women 40 and above? So, Julie, you're a woman 40 and above. Why don't you tell us what women are experiencing at this time in life and what's actually going on when it comes to this idea that everything is just your age?

SPEAKER_00 1:22

Yeah, it's you know, it's a handy and I think a lazy excuse, if if I can be so bold as to say that, because really our age is just a number, it's what's going on inside our bodies. And you know, all of these devices that we have now and apps, and we have ways to to calculate our biological age versus our chronological age, because we can be younger or older physically than the calendar might might tell us. But this is a time of life because our bodies are changing so much throughout this transitional period in our life. And so a lot of the women come to us and they and I've experienced this too, saying I just don't feel like myself, I'm exhausted all the time, I feel overwhelmed. All the things I used to do aren't working anymore. Just today we heard somebody say, I'm battling with stubborn weight gain, I can't seem to lose it anymore. Um, I feel I know I went through a period of rage when when I just felt angry at everything that came by. And it can be a little bit scary because we don't really understand what's happening in our bodies because we don't get that same kind of education about like we did about puberty, right? So yeah, there are a lot there, and there are, I mean, really, there are a lot of reasons for that. We talk about on yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

So what what's the problem with yeah? What's the problem with just saying then it's just your age? What is actually why why is it so damaging to just dismiss it as just being an age thing?

SPEAKER_00 3:08

Well, it it really shuts down the conversation, and I know a lot of women feel gaslit by their doctors who maybe don't understand this phase of life very well, but it's it's very dismissive, and it it gives away our responsibility and our control for doing things that are going to help us feel better, that are going to help us um take care of our health in a in a better way. And that might look different now than it did before. Um, but it you know it normalizes this whole idea of well, we're just gonna feel kind of lousy for the rest of our lives. And I I think that's a bunch of BS personally. I feel better now at almost 62 than I did in my 50s. I have more energy, I'm stronger, I have a more positive outlook about the future. Um, I know more about my body and how to take care of it. There's a lot that we can learn um instead of just dismissing it. And I think when we say, oh, it's just my age, we we put off doing the things that are going to make us feel good and vibrant and strong and healthy for the rest of our life. I mean, what do you think?

SPEAKER_01 4:28

Well, I mean, I I agree with you. I think that the key thing is it it stops people from looking any further than beyond that actual sentence, right? It's just your age. So you've just got to accept it. And once you start accepting things, you stop looking for what actually might be going on. And like I said at the start of the podcast, you it's not that age doesn't come into it, but what actually happens is that age changes things, our body reacts in different ways, and what we need to figure out is how to work with our bodies at a time when things are changing. Instead of this really crazy idea that seems to come from all over the place where we've just normalized feeling terrible in midlife, and that's a real problem for women to have, right? We know that society already plays down on women at this age and kind of like, particularly in the West, shuts off this idea of women being able to go on and have a second sort of like phase of life that's as vibrant as the first, and kind of almost sort of like makes people feel as though they're put on the scrap heap if you if you like. And the truth is we know that that's not true because not only do we see it on a regular basis, but we see lots of women who are going on to achieve incredible things in the second part of their life where age is not a factor, or if it is a factor, it's not the actual explanation of it all. And the truth is that if women feel uh are gonna feel dismissed by this idea that it's just your age, they end up disengaging with the whole process, right? And why wouldn't you? Yeah, if you're told that you know it's an age thing, you've got to accept, it's an age thing, you've got to accept, it's an age thing, you've got to accept it, rather than saying it's an age thing, here are some things that are going on, here are some positive ways for you to move forward. Why would they not disengage?

SPEAKER_00 6:24

Yeah, it's absolutely Yeah, 100%, because it it you end up feeling, yeah, you end up feeling like you have no power or control over your domain anymore, over your body and and the future. And that is that's really disheartening for for most people. And I I think it's I think it's important to realize that this is happening, especially at a time when professional women are in the peak of their career. Women in their 40s and 50s and and into their 60s are leading companies or they're in leadership roles and they're leading teams, and they've got experience and wisdom and knowledge that's really essential to the companies they work for. And when those women are disengaging, it's not only hard for the women themselves, but it's hard for their teams, and it affects the company's bottom line, which I know is a big deal uh for the companies because you cannot you can hire someone, and that's great. You hire them, and it doesn't matter the salary if it's the same or lower or higher, you can't replace that knowledge, and you can't replace that experience within your organization. So it's something that has a lot of value and and I think needs to be acknowledged.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

Yeah, and I guess in the business world as well, that shows up in more way than one, right? Because yes, women can exit the business world, and then there's a replacement cost, but what about that period before they actually make that decision to exit, right? If their confidence is affected, then is their performance affected, and then is retention affected afterwards? So have you got a period leading up to that bit where a woman just goes, you know what, I can't stick this anymore, I'm out of here, and then the company's left, sort of like floundering, trying to replace that experience. What is happening in that period before where they've already started the disengagement process? So I think it goes on a lot longer than just that period or that point in time where somebody says, Right, I've had enough in the corporate world, and if I'm not gonna be taken seriously, I'm gonna exit right now. I think there's a period that leads up to that that is probably just as damaging, both for the woman herself, obviously, but also for the company. And companies do care about the bottom line. I suppose it's something that they're gonna have to address move forward. So I wonder if it's time to talk a little bit then. If it's not just age, then what's going on? And the obvious place to start is you know, where we tend to start most of these conversations when we talk about what the root causes are. There's some hormonal shifts that go on, right? We're familiar with those now, you know, the up and down of estrogen, you know, the fall off of progesterone, and then estrogen sort of like falling falling off, and that fall, that steady fall, sort of like that happens post-menopause as well, is a challenge because it's a challenge from so many different health perspectives, from how it affects the stress and nervous system, from how it affects blood sugar balance, from how it affects sleep, from how it affects gut balance as well, and the gut microbiota. And so I guess this is where we need to start, right? Pulling this apart is sort of like when those hormone shifts are ha are happening, then what goes on after that, and what can women women do about it?

SPEAKER_00 9:52

Well, I think I think the first place to start is for women to understand that this affects them long before, as you were saying, long before the the key symptoms show up, that these things are already starting to happen after we turn 40. Generally in the Western world, that's when most women enter into parametopause. So a lot of this is it's like the frog in the pot of water, right? It just it just goes on a little bit and a little bit and it builds until one day you just feel like, what's going on? Have I lost my mind? And it feels sudden, but it isn't because all of these things are happening. So we may notice that we're not sleeping as well as well, maybe we're not managing stress as well, and we just chuck it up to the fact that we have so many more commitments, or work is really busy, or the kids are at a specific phase of their lives, or you know, whatever else it may be. It's easy to write that off as being caused by something else when in fact we can often look to our bodies changing as contributing factors to that. So that, as you said, those hormonal shifts can affect our sleep. If we're not managing stress, it can affect our ability to sleep, it can affect our ability to digest our food properly, it affects how we store fat on our body. And when we start getting that little belly and we start storing fat in places we don't necessarily want it, in spite of feeling like we're eating a healthy diet or we're exercising. Um, you know, and and again, who's to say what a healthy diet is because it's individual? Again, we know of some of the basics, but there is no universal answer. But but being able to tune in and pay attention that to what's actually happening in our body and understand that it's time to start looking for those things, it's time to start tuning in and noticing, I think would be a would be a really helpful place for for most women to start after they turn 40.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

Yeah, and I suppose the key, yeah, well, another one of the key things here is right stress stress management that you hinted on there. Nobody's gonna magic away a woman's stress at this time of life. And we do this regularly. We have conversations with whole groups of women, and you ask them, you know, who here is not stressed? There are very few people who actually put their hand up to that question. So we know that stress man stress is an issue, and we know that you know, work's busy, life's busy, home life's busy, life with your partner is busy, life with your friends and family is busy, and everybody's got a lot on. So effectively, you know, stress management isn't really always uh or or dealing with stress isn't always about just saying, right, well, you've got to deal with stress, it's more about how do you manage it and how do you massage that time, and how do you actually get that balance in where you're having some kind of downtime that actually balances those upregulated times where your adrenaline and your cortisol are spike spiking all the time? So it's really, really important to look at it as more of a management process, I think, rather than necessarily being something that is all about you know, oh, let's eradicate stress because you're never going to eradicate it fully.

SPEAKER_00 13:12

No, no, wouldn't it be nice?

SPEAKER_01 13:16

Yeah, so what do women need at this point then if it comes to helping them, Julie? What should they be looking at adapting and where should they be looking at making some changes?

SPEAKER_00 13:31

Well, it as I was saying before, I think the first place to begin is is awareness, starting to tune in and understand what's going on in our bodies. When is our energy dipping? When do we feel over most overwhelmed? When is our sleep maybe better or worse? And what are the things that we've done leading up to that during the day or even the day before or the period before, you know, starting starting to become aware because it this all requires a really individualized approach. And I think just reaching out for there's so much conflicting advice. I would say stay away from Dr. Google, I say in air quotes, because it's helpful to understand what's going on in your body. But the what I think one of the things that a lot of women have told us is there's so much information out there, and I don't know what's real and what's not, because I read one thing and then I read something else that's exactly the opposite. And so understanding what what's legitimate, what how do I know? Um, and I I think, you know, to toot our own horn here, I think working with a knowledgeable and evidence-based coach or coaches is a really powerful thing that you can do. I mean, look at it. Athletes have coaches, executives have coaches, companies offer coaching professionally. There's coaching is an amazing, amazing tool that's available for most people, I would, I would say. So understanding having someone to sort to guide you in becoming aware of what's going on and helping you tailor the approach so that you choose the things that are going to be most effective for you, don't require you to have a full-time job to do it. Um and and you can start seeing small changes pretty quickly when you're taking the right steps. I don't know, what what do you think?

SPEAKER_01 15:34

Well, I think awareness is is probably key for me as well. Um and yeah, I know you mentioned coaching there, but you don't uh necessarily need to have a coach, but you need to pick one thing that you can look at at a time, I would say. So a structured plan as to what you it is that you want to to work on, and to be able to find out, you've got to start off by knowing what your baseline is, right? So, where are you starting from? So, let's say you want to improve your sleep. It's a really nebulous goal, isn't it? I want to improve my my my my sleep. Okay, so what what does it your starting point has to be well, what does it look like now? Yeah, so are you getting four hours or five hours or six hours? You write that down, investigate it, look at it. We've got more sleep trackers than we can be than we could ever need in our lives, right? Just about everything. Your phone tracks your sleep, your watch tracks your sleep. Many of us have got rings that track our sleep, and so you can you can start by looking at what's your current baseline, and then you need to set yourself a goal. Where do you want to go? And this is for everything, right? I'm just using sleep as an example, obviously. So, do you want to add half an hour's extra sleep on? Okay, so then what is one action that you could take that might help with that? Is it taking out that last cup of coffee in the day? Is it not drinking just before you go to bed, whether even that's water, tea, or whatever it is, so you don't get up and pee in the night? Is it making sure that you've got some bed clothes interchangeable if you're at that time of life where you're suffering from hot sweats? So choose one thing to look at. So you've got a structured approach. So that gives you that awareness, it gives you a goal of where you want to get to, and it starts to give you a structured approach of where you want to go to. And that's where individualization lies for me, right? So by by and by picking apart, and I know it's a it sounds like a slow and laborious process, right? Why is there not the magic pill that can come and fix everything all in one go? You know, I'm gonna take something and it's gonna sort of like fix my sleep, it's gonna fix my stress, it's gonna fix my strength training, it's gonna fix everything. So, so choose one thing at a time, because that magic pill doesn't exist, and work on it and see if you can make some changes. And of course, you need to track as well, not just that start point, but you need to track on a semi-regular basis, at least, if not a daily basis, so you can see if you're heading towards that goal, and indeed if the things that you're implementing are actually working for you, and that would go for anything, but you it's you're looking at your diet, the amount of protein you want, the amount of fats you want in your diet, the amount of strength training you're gonna do in your life, the amount of cardio training you're gonna do. You kind of have to see yourself a little bit, I think, as a human petri dish. Because we know two things for absolute certain one is that every human being in the world is super individual, and number two, women over 40 are faced with an additional layer of challenges that result from the falling of estrogen that further affect that individuality of every single person, because once again, not every single person's individual, not every single person experiences the menopause transition, whether that's a perimenopause, menopause, or post-menopause, no one experiences it the same. And so experimenting something is needed. So you know, you might you could say you don't actually need more discipline, you need different strategy, but what you actually need is a strategy and to be disciplined, implementing that strategy somewhat. So it's not easy to work on this stuff. I think we need to recognise that. But I think sticking to, oh, it's your stage I'm you know, shit happens, it's kind of like a really, really gaslighting way of looking at it. So instead of sort of like empowering yourself, which is what the pod's all about, right? Trying to find ways to actually get through this period in life better, instead of just accepting it, let's look at ways in a structured way that we can actually work towards what works for you now and what will work for you in future.

SPEAKER_00 19:38

Yeah, well, and remembering, you know, this phase of life is a third to a half of our lifespan. So it's it's a long period of time that we get to make little adjustments and see how it works. And I think it's also key to have some self-compassion. Allow yourself to ease into things, as you were saying, one thing at a time. Any experiment, if you adjust more than one variable, you have no idea what's working or what's not working. And the other thing is just because we we have this mentality of quick fixes and the diet industry is hammered into us all the time, this big program, and you're gonna change these 20 things all at once, and then it becomes unsustainable. So being being willing to look at things in small steps and be consistent rather than just trying to do one big thing at a time, or one big thing and expecting expecting it to make all the changes. And looking at lifestyle factors first, the things that we can control, because there are so many supplements and magic products on the market, but those really you don't even know if they're needed until you adjust some of these lifestyle factors. We can't, to me, giving the power of that over to a product isn't really a long-term solution. So, so understanding what we can control, what we can change, how it affects us, and then finding out, you know, do we need a particular supplement or do we need extra support for a particular thing? And then understanding how and why, because those things are our short-term support tools, not replacements for healthy lifestyle.

SPEAKER_01 21:29

I'd agree with that. I think the only thing that I would probably add to it is the fact that supplementation based on certain test results might be in a different category to that. But you know, functional health testing, whether you're doing blood testing, whether you're doing stool testing, whatever it may be, is not a cheap process. It's an incredibly helpful and insightful process because you know we can look straight into the DNA of somebody's poop and Tell you what what, I mean, not us personally, but the people that this the labs that we work with can look into the DNA of some spook and tell you exactly what the makeup of their microbiome is, and therefore you can directly affect that. But like I said, that's not a cheap process, and given that not everyone will have the finances available to them to do that testing, then lifestyle changes as a first point of call would be would be absolute. I think if you've got some test results that show you know you've got a strong need for magnesium or vitamin D, then acting on that from a supplementation point of view is probably a wise thing to do. Sure.

unknown 22:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:38

Sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

Yeah. Well, and and a lot of this, you know, circles back to to gut health. If our gut health is compromised, and that's affected a lot by lifestyle, and it's it becomes kind of a loop, right? Because our lifestyle is affected by our gut health in many ways. And our gut health is affected by our lifestyle in many ways. So we can take easy, easy or easier steps to healing the gut, which is going to affect our health, like at almost every dimension of our health. Um, and it doesn't have to be a super costly thing to do. Um, it's a it's a a simpler place to start. We don't need some complicated or complex routine or program in order to be able to do that.

SPEAKER_01 23:26

Yeah, absolutely. So um, I mean the truth is one of the things that we get told quite a lot by people is I know what to do, but I don't know how to do it, or I don't know how to implement it. And so we absolutely hear where you're coming from when it comes to that, which is why we offer our menopause impact assessment calls. They're 45 minutes long, they cost just 23 pounds, which I think is about $30 if you're listening into in the US. It's a 45-minute coaching call with myself or Julie. We take you through a really structured and validated medical questionnaire to see exactly where you're sitting, what are the areas where you need the biggest help with, and then we work out your first steps for moving forward. So you've got some steps to move forward in a structured way that are going to give you some answers. So we'll pop that uh a link to that call down in the um show notes. But uh Julia, have you got anything else to add before we sign off then?

SPEAKER_00 24:24

Um I don't think so, but if you know if you're not really sure where to start, the that menopause impact assessment could be the the ideal place because it will help you see where where the symptom load is, where the low-hanging fruit is, I guess we can say, to for the first steps to take. So I it's it's a really great tool.

SPEAKER_01 24:49

Yeah. And the other thing I'd say about that as well is although it's called the menopause impact assessment tool, the actual assessment that we're doing is valid for any woman over 40. So whether you're menopause, going through the menopause transition itself or you're out of the other side, it's a helpful call where that questionnaire can help pinpoint the areas where you need most help and support. Because for many women, the challenges that are in that questionnaire are universal past 40, so it's not defined just by where you sit on a hormonal scale that somebody's come up with, or by a definition of the day of menopause itself. So that's it for this week on Empower Your Menopause, then. It's been coaches James and Julie here from Fabulous Beyond 40. Stay strong, stay fabulous, and we will see you next time. Take care.