SPEAKER_01 0:12

Hello and welcome back to another episode of Empower Your Menopause with myself, Coach James, and my wonderful colleague, Coach Julie here. First of all, we'd like to say a massive happy new year for those of you who listening. It's the 9th of January as we're recording. It's our first one of the new year. Good to be back, Julie. How was uh how was your holidays?

SPEAKER_00 0:35

They were good, uh, restful and fairly uneventful, which is just how we like them. How about yours?

SPEAKER_01 0:42

Yeah, pretty similar, really. Um, for the first time in 13 years, we didn't host Christmas dinner. Christmas dinner cooking in our house is usually my uh domain. Cooking it most of the time is my domain, but especially Christmas dinner. So it was the first time I'd not done it in 13 years. And uh despite everything that we tell our clients, you know, I found it very hard to sit down and do nothing early on in Christmas Day, before on Christmas Day before we went out for dinner, and so I spent an hour of Christmas Day ironing clothes.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

Well, it could be worse, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:17

Indeed. So let's get into today's episode then. So today Julie and I thought it'd be a good idea to talk about myth busting and maybe tackling some of those sneaky menopause myths that might be messing with your mindset. There are a lot of them around, and particularly at this time of year, you know, it's January, it's a time of renewal, it's a time when the fitness industry ramps into gear. Sometimes that can help and serve you, other times it can't. And the truth is, there's a lot of big business out there with a lot of money invested in the fitness industry and the health industry, and therefore, you know, some of the myths that are around can be relatively damaging. So, you know, everything from the fear of slowing down to myths about hormone therapy, um, they're the kind of things could potentially be hold you back. So today, Julian, I want to separate some kind of like fact from fiction, give you a way to reframe some thoughts on this powerful phase of life. So grab your usual cup of tea and maybe something stronger if it's that kind of day, and let's dive in. So I've already actually heard, we're recording at 2:30 in the afternoon. I've heard a couple of menopause myths already today, Julie.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

How many of you heard um I've heard at least several, um, especially because you know, as you're on social media, you're scrolling, you get all sorts of ad products and miracle promises. And uh yeah, there's some doozies out there.

unknown 2:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

Absolutely. So what we're gonna do today is we're gonna look into six major myths. We've kind of categorized these and put them into um into an order that we think is relatively logical, and some of them have actually paired up really as as um out of the six. So it's kind of like three areas with two myths in each that we're gonna dissect. And so the first segment, the first bit that we've done, we've called this the fear factory. And these are the myths that are designed to sort of like whether you're creating them yourself or other people creating them, they're the kind of things that are gonna slow you down, they're gonna install some kind of fear in you, and that's gonna put a break into anything that you want to do. So, myth number one, then in the fear factory, and I'm gonna like Julie tackle this one, I'll start off tackling it, is it's all down here, all downhill from here. Now, to coin a uh a phrase that's been rolling around the UK for the last few weeks. Julie, you're a middle-class woman of a certain age. Um, is it all downhill from here? What do you think? I'm thinking you're gonna vehemently disagree with this one.

SPEAKER_00 4:17

Yeah, you got that right. I think this is an amazing starting point. And certainly I feel that in my own journey. And it, I'm not gonna lie, it takes a little bit of work to get here, but we're, you know, we're we're surrounded by images and marketing and billboards magazines, television, social media saying that we're either supposed to be complete hard bodies or old bitties in our rocking chairs. And and quite honestly, there's a whole lot of in-between there. We your body shape and size isn't the most important thing. It's what's going on in your mind, in your belief system, your relationship with your body, with your with yourself. And I think this really is the beginning of the best chapter yet, because we have all of this experience and wisdom that we've gained over the course of our lives. We have the opportunities ahead of us now to, especially as the kids are growing and we have more free time in theory, or we could create more free time. And it's an it's an important time to start practicing what we want to do when we make that choice. If we're retiring or slowing down or doing something else, it's a great time to start dreaming and taking steps toward all of those things that we've said we want to do our whole lives and never really quite got to because we have, again, all of that experience and wisdom. And at this time of life, I think it's really great because most women I talk to, their give a damn meter gets pretty much shut off by now. So it's a lot easier to say no to things that don't serve you. It's a lot easier to do things that do interest you and and focus on what's really important. And especially if you've been through any kind of a health scare or you know someone who has, it may give you a whole new appreciation for making the most out of your life. So this is the in my mind, this is the perfect opportunity to get started.

SPEAKER_01 6:23

Yeah, I don't know. I couldn't agree more. I'm always reminded of uh, and I'll tell this story once again. Anybody who's been on any of our workshops or anything like that, when we do the intro into Julia and ourselves, I always talk about my mum, Audrey. Audrey's now 91. At 42 43, she divorced my dad, left the UK, bought a car and caravan, or a trailer if you're an American listener, and packed myself, my 12-year-old sister, and my 21-year-old female cousin. This is in the mid-1970s, and drove from the UK to Greece and created a totally new life for herself. Um, so I saw as a young boy and then a young man growing up, my mum absolutely grew and flourished when she hit her mid-40s and is still growing and flourishing now. She's a real force of nature and you know, perfect example of somebody who has continued to defy the idea that things are all downhill from here. Now, that doesn't mean that as she's got older, of course, her body has not changed over over the years, and she probably doesn't have the same energy vitality and everything else that she had 30-40 years ago, but her mind is sharp as attack, and she absolutely still wants to do things to grow her own mindset on a daily basis. I think that's a tough an incredible uh example. So, Julia, if you're stuck in this idea, or if you're a listener and you're stuck in this idea, rather, of things are on the on on the D low from here, what can they do to change that mindset? What can that person do that will actually help them reverse that thought process somewhat?

SPEAKER_00 8:13

I think this is a perfect time to start a journaling practice because a lot of times we we have all this stuff running around in our head, and until we get it out of our head and onto paper or spoken through conversations and reflections, we don't really, it just stays kind of muddled. So journaling is a great way to to work through this and writing down things like making your your bucket list, as it were, or your dream list of things that you've always wanted to do, and maybe pick a few of those, just brain dump onto onto some paper and then pick a few of those and and think about what you'd what you've always wanted to do. And once you've settled on a few top items, maybe think of a couple of steps you could take to start working towards one of them. Just one, you don't have to do them all. Um, you can eventually, of course, but it gets a bit overwhelming if we try to do too much at once. So just taking that step and saying, Oh, I can actually do this, right? We always talk about breaking things down into tiny steps and in in practicing tiny habits. So this is a I think this is a really good place to start. What about you? You have any suggestions?

SPEAKER_01 9:33

Well, I I I love that I've just started journaling myself today. Apologies for anybody who's watching on YouTube who sees my camera keep switching off. For some reason, we're again being blighted by our usual tech problems. Um, and my camera seems to be going to sleep mode continually without me asking it to. Who knows why it shouldn't be doing it? But yes, journaling, I absolutely love that. And I love this idea of three things that you've really always wanted to do, and then picking just one of them to focus on, and and and and and ticking off sort of like that that bucket list as you're getting older, and making sure that you're still keeping yourself, um, both your mind and body active by having some really really strong strong goals. So absolutely love that one. Shall we move on to myth two then?

SPEAKER_00 10:22

Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_01 10:23

Yeah, so myth two is another one that I'm gonna bring my mum back into this because again, it's something that I talk about a lot. Um, myth two is don't talk about menopause, it's embarrassing. Now, I remember being maybe 11, 12 years old, uh, my mum had started going through uh into the menopause years, and her and her friends, I lived in a totally female household, by the way, no male influence at all, apart from from me, and I was too young to really have an influence. And even despite the fact that there was nobody there to listen, when my mum and her girlfriends would talk about the idea of the menopause, it was done almost in a shrouded corner of the kitchen and sort of like really low, low-voiced. At the time, people used to call it the change of life, and I remember wondering what this what this big change was, this this mystery about it, because exactly because of the way that it was being talked about. Now, of course, that's 50 years ago, and things have come on and progressed massively since then over the last few years, but this is still something that is out there, I think. And I think the more that women talk about it, and the more that men like myself join in that conversation as well, the more it normalizes the conversation. This is actually no different, it's another life phase, yeah. It's just like everything else, just like birth, just like um moving into puberty, getting into what people might call your prime years, 20s, 30s, those reproductive years. This is just another life phase, and there are many, many other places where and cultures where reaching this point is seen as something to be celebrated rather than something to be hidden or talked about. I don't know what you think on this one, Julie.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

Well, I I totally agree. And I know when I was going through my menopause, nobody had prepared me for it, and I didn't know what I what was going on. And had I had somebody to talk to or even ask questions or had some kind of information or preparation, you know, we get the talk when we're ready to go through puberty, but nobody prepares you for paramenopause or menopause. And it was really, it was really difficult for me. And I know for other women, you know, and there are some things that that feel very embarrassing and almost shameful, like we, you know, some people experience urinary incontinence, some people experience um changes to their skin, vaginal dryness, loss of libido, you know, and things that you just don't want to talk about in public. But these are perfectly normal things as our bodies change. And and I think the other thing is, or one of the other things that happens is that we feel like we're powerless against, you know, over the against or over these changes, and we're not. There are lots of things that we can do. But until we talk about this and normalize it, it's it's it be it stays kind of hidden. And and while you're right, there's a lot more conversation around it now. Even doctors aren't that well educated about it. So they find it difficult if you're not having symptoms that they consider to be standard. I mean, the last list I saw had over 47 different symptoms that are common to menopause. Everyone experiences them differently. There are some symptoms that are menopause related that might not be related to menopause. And so it becomes very difficult to know, you know, where do you even start? How do you even start addressing it? But the best way to start is to just start. Start talking to women in that same age group, start talking to women who maybe have gone through it and bring it out into the open because these are normal things. We are humans with human bodies and our bodies have functions. And, you know, when when we we think about, you know, we don't think anything about having to change diapers for kids. We don't think anything about having to clean up after our pets, even when our parents are aging and they might need a little extra help with with their bodies. Um, you know, we we don't look at that as a shameful thing. But somehow when it happens to us, we feel like it's different. And and it's not. And in as I said, we're not powerless. There are lots of different things that we can do. The other thing, uh, our mindset has so much to do with the way we experience it. So if we look at it as something that's bad, then we're going to experience it that way. But if we look at it as we were saying, as this new chapter, as something that is this freedom from menstrual cycles and this freedom from being held back and being able to go and do the things that we've always wanted to do, it it takes away a lot of that stigma and it opens up your your mind and your beliefs and your thoughts about it and makes it uh a more normal and okay thing.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

Yeah. And the truth is there are a lot of groups out there at the moment, including our own membership group where women can get together and talk about this with other women who are in a similar situation, right? So even if you jump jump in by Facebook group, uh Fabulous Beyond 40, the the group on Facebook, you can do that without having to pay a penny, and then lots of other groups out there who who encourage women to get together and talk. So I think absolutely the more we about it, the better it is. Let's move on to the show.

SPEAKER_00 16:07

I would just before we do, I just want to I just want to say one thing. I've been in and in and out of some of these menopause groups on Facebook, and just be careful about the ones that you join because there are a lot of them that are in there where women are just constantly complaining but not offering solutions, not offering that kind of positive support. And that's not really helpful. And while it may be nice to have someplace to go invent, um we get a lot more done when we actually can take some action and do something about it. So I would just say caveat mTOR, right?

SPEAKER_01 16:41

Yeah. A very, very good point. Let's move on then to part two, which is productivity myths. And this is probably one of my favorite ones of all of them. Myth number three: if you're not busy as a woman over 40, you're failing. Discuss, Julie.

SPEAKER_00 17:04

This one is definitely aimed at me. Um, we we take on so many things and we have such difficulty saying no to anybody because we feel like it's our duty. And at the end of the day, we don't have any time left for ourselves. But this is a time when our bodies are signaling us, sometimes very loudly, to slow down and and pay attention, to take time to take care of ourselves. And especially at this stage of life, because of the health implications of the um lessening of our supply of estrogen, we need to, we need to pay attention to those things. And it's okay to rest and recharge and not do uh workouts that have you dropping to the floor in a puddle of sweat when you're done and you know, doing things that are counterproductive for your body. It's really, it's really a good thing to listen to your body's needs. And no, that doesn't mean just laying on the couch eating bonbons and binge watching TV, but sometimes it may mean taking a moment, um, taking a day, taking a weekend to to take some rest.

SPEAKER_01 18:12

Yeah. What's the underlying driver behind this then? Is this a personal thing that women put on themselves, do you think? Or do you think this is societal pressure that women have to continue to prove their worth? Or is it a mixture of both?

SPEAKER_00 18:30

I I think it's a mixture of both. And I think a lot of it depends on how we were raised, the environment we were raised in, you know, because in some cultures, as you said, this is a time of life that's revered, and it's okay for women to sit back and become the the teachers, as it were, and the guides. Whereas in our society, um, in Western cultures, certainly, especially because this is a time when a lot of women are in the pinnacle of their careers, and they feel like if they show any weakness, as it were, they're they're going to damage their their career progress and that sort of thing. A lot of workplaces are becoming more menopause-friendly, but it's still not as common as it should be. And and again, this is where talking about it really matters and and becoming an advocate really matters. But I I do think it's a mix of of societal and cultural, and then again, our our own belief systems have a lot to do with that.

SPEAKER_01 19:28

Yeah. So, how does somebody overcome that hurdle end? I mean, you talked about yourself there. I know that you sort of are unstoppable to coin one of the words that we use in some of our some of our materials. You know, you get up super early, go to bed super late, you absolutely cram your day with lots of stuff, and by your own admission, you aren't great at saying no to a lot of things. So, what can a woman who's got your mindset do maybe do to actually convince herself, all the things you've just talked about, that it's okay to just occasionally do nothing, right?

SPEAKER_00 20:06

It is. And and I like to do, I uh we call it productive rest, you know, or product um active recovery, as it were. So maybe doing things like going for a walk instead of going for an all-out workout. Um, I've started a meditation practice and I find that the days when I take that, sometimes it's five minutes, sometimes it's 15 or 20 minutes, when I take that time, I'm much more centered and productive for the rest of the day. So even though it feels like it's costing me time to do it, when I I put it in my schedule like any other appointment, so that I honor that and I make that promise to myself. Um, and I'll set up little reward systems along the way to make to keep me honest, um, and accountability, certainly through coaching, which helps a ton. But I I think it's taking small steps like that and and scheduling in some downtime. And even if it feels hard to do at first, even if it brings on some guilt feelings at first, do it anyway and just test it out. Be curious, see, see what it's like. I started out last year really well with that, taking a break every afternoon to go for a walk with the dog. Um, and I found that even though that took an hour out of my afternoon, I got way more than an hour's worth of productivity when I came back. Now I know if you have an office job, that's not probably possible, but even taking a 10 or 15 minute break to go for a walk, stretch your legs, don't take your cell phone, don't get onto social media, like unplug. And it's hard to do when you start, but once you've done it a few times, you'll find that it definitely has a lot of benefit to it. So those are things that have worked for me.

SPEAKER_01 21:54

Cool. Okay, number four another one that we're gonna pull apart and Shatter then is your worth assigned to your looks or your output? And this is a really, really interesting one, isn't it? I I for me, this is really about societal pressure as much as anything else. Uh I don't know what on that 100%.

SPEAKER_00 22:22

And I, you know, your self-worth has to be intrinsic. And the truth is, your worth does not diminish with age, it doesn't diminish with changes to your body. You know, I and I've seen I've seen Halle Berry now, who has become a great advocate for menopause, out there talking about how we need to normalize this, and then the photos they put up of her are all airbrushed, and you know, she's she's this gorgeous woman. We aren't all Halle Berry. We come in different shapes and sizes, and it's a hundred percent okay, whatever shape and size you are. The more important thing is how do you how is your relationship with your body? How is your relationship with the things that you do? How is your relationship with food? Are you willing to take care of yourself? Because the truth is we only take care of things we love. And unless we can have that relationship with ourselves, it it gets a bit more difficult to take care of ourselves. But something, something else is maybe we don't have the same body we did in our 20s and 30s, but we can we can choose clothes that that are flattering to our figure now. We can we can choose to dress and take care of ourselves in a different way and still look really, really great. Um, because it isn't it isn't about the physical appearance. It's it's about I mean, have you ever known somebody who is just just radiates energy? Like it doesn't even matter what they look like because they're so they're just so nice to be around and they're so attractive because of that high energy and positivity, right? And those are the things that matter more, certainly.

SPEAKER_01 24:11

Cool. So we've got two more to go through uh in segment three or part three, which we're gonna call misinformation central. And I think we'll probably take one of these each to talk about and then add some layers on from each other if we think that's appropriate. So, myth number five is hormone replacement therapy, HRT is dangerous, and the truth is that you know there are risks and benefits to every single thing that we do and can employ in our lives when it comes to doing something. I think there's a challenge with HRT occasionally that there's a rush to prescribe it before trying other natural methods. That doesn't mean that we're against HRT at all. And I think at some point we're gonna do a whole podcast on HRT and probably bring in either an endocrinologist or a doctor to talk about this a little bit more. But I just thought it would be just useful here to do a little bit of a breakdown about what HRT is and what it isn't. Um, so first of all, it is a symptom relievia, yeah. There's no doubt about it. The fall in estrogen that happens as a woman's grains of the menopause, particularly those spikes in the perimenopause years where it goes up and falls again and up and falls again, and it's really hard to track. That is what cause a lot of the symptoms that we know about. We talked before about the 47 symptoms, but the most common ones are the ones that people talk about hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, vaginal dryness, aching bones, all those kind of things. HRT is very good at helping with those. We also know as well that it's very good for protecting bones. There's an issue, we've talked about this many times. We did a full episode of the podcast, and please go back and listen to that one if you're not listening to it. About the challenge when it comes to osteoporosis as women get older. There's a real um link between uh between estrogen falling and bones becoming more brittle because estrogen helps your body lay down bone, and so HRT is very good to help him with that. It's also very good from the point of view that it's not a one-size-fits-all. There are different doses, different ways of doing it, different breakdowns of hormones. Some are patches, some are rubbing, some are estrogen alone, some are sprays, some are pills. So lots of different ways. So they're some of the positives about it, yeah. What it's not, it's not one size fits all. So it doesn't mean that everyone will get on perfectly with it. It has to be made on an individual basis, your decision on whether to take it or not. And we've got an amazing document. If anybody wants it, we'll put that in the link below. Eight questions to ask your GP before deciding to go on HRT, and that I think is a really good uh document because it gives you some things to think about, to ask about when you're talking to your healthcare professional about whether you should go on HRT or not. It's not a fountain of youth, right? It is not something that is, you know, it's the magic elixir that's going to turn us all back into 21-year-old sirens. It's it's not that, it's not a cure. It might make you feel a bit more like your old self again, but it's not a magic potion. And then finally, I think it's worth highlighting as well that it's not without risks, like any treatment. You know, there are a risk of certain uh increased uh types of cancer, cardiovascular issues, especially the longer you are actually on hormone replacement therapy, and so it's worth just looking at all those pluses and minuses when it comes to um whether you want to make a decision or not, but just dismissing it as being dangerous or just saying that it's an absolute cure, it's neither of those things, it's somewhere in the middle, and it your experience will vary, like all your experiences throughout life, will vary very much depending on you as an individual. Julia, I'm not sure if there's anything you want to add to that about HRT.

SPEAKER_00 28:30

I I think um the type of HRT you get can can vary greatly because I know that a lot of the research where they said it was dangerous was done with synthetic hormones prescribed at high doses. So when you're looking at potentially bioidentical hormone replacement therapy, it's usually safer and it can be more tailored to your specific needs. And the dosage is easier to regulate. Um so I think that's that's important as well.

SPEAKER_01 29:00

Yeah. Important though as well to note that if to note that if you're in the UK, um, you may not get bio-identical HRT just on the NHS. It is more likely to be a synthetic hormone, hormone replacement. So worth just popping that there as well. But if you do want to download that document about the eight questions uh to ask your GP or your doctor around at HRT, we'll pop that in the show notes for you. So the final one then, Julie, I'm gonna throw you the hand grenade over menopause and your sex life.

SPEAKER_00 29:34

Yeah, um, I say, what is it in the UK, codswallop? Um this is this is not true. And again, while things may change, especially you know, things like vaginal dryness can and the shrinking of the the vaginal canal can make sex um sexual intercourse a bit more painful for women and a bit less comfortable. There are different things you can use to ease that. There are vaginal suppositories and lubricants and you know, things that that can be used to ease that um discomfort. And it may just mean looking at your sex life a little bit differently. You can be very intimate in a number of different ways without you know only having sexual intercourse. And I think maybe at some point in the future it would be fun to have, as we like to say, a sex birth on as a as a guest, because this is a this is a topic that could probably cover a whole podcast on its own, um, and then some. So uh but it but the truth is it it isn't about saying it's just over. You don't just you know just put yourself away in the closet for the rest of your life. You want to have relationships and feel fulfilled, and there are lots of ways to still enjoy that intimacy. So your sexual health may change a bit, but rest assured it doesn't just disappear. And uh we we like to say it might be more like um just discovering new dance moves instead of sitting out the whole set. So that's all I'm gonna say about that. We'll we'll bring somebody in who can speak to that in depth um sometime in the future.

SPEAKER_01 31:22

I think it's worth just highlighting there that you mentioned uh vaginal lubricants.

SPEAKER_00 31:27

I think water-based is probably the way to uh when it comes to the Yeah, stay away from petroleum-based products, definitely.

SPEAKER_01 31:35

Yeah, look for something that's organic and with fewer chemicals in as as as possible because uh you know it's it can be quite challenging if you go down the other the other route for your long-term health. Yeah. Okay, great. So we've come up to the end of our 30 minutes and got it spot on today. So we'd like to thank you all for listening to myself and Julie as we've debunked debunked some of the myths around menopause. If there's anything here that's affected you in any way or anything that you'd like to dive into things further with us, we do offer a free call service. You just go to freecall.fabulousbeyond40.com. You can choose whether you want to speak to myself or Julie, and we'll do a 45-minute call with you and give you um some tools to move forward in your journey and hopefully help with any queries you have. Um, but that's it for this week. We'll put all the other show links uh in the notes below, such as the link to our Facebook group and the link to that um a questions for your doctors uh about HRT. So it's been James and Julie from Fabulous Beyond 40. Just reminding you to stay strong and stay fabulous, and we'll see you next time. Take care.