SPEAKER_01 0:12

Hello and welcome to another episode of Empower Your Menopause where we tackle all things health, wellness, and transformation for women navigating the menopause journey from peri to post-menopause. It's James Ellis here, and as always, I'm joined by my brilliant partner in coaching, Julie Medesey. And today we're talking about something that really hits home at this time of year as we edge towards the end of the year, and that's managing expectations and setting realistic goals for the last part of these last couple of months. The end of the year can bring a mix of excitement and overwhelm, so let's make sure you're heading into it with clarity and balance. Now we all know how it goes. Those last few months of the year tend to get filled with all kinds of social commitments, work deadlines, and the pressure of really trying to finish strong, that thing we're always told. But what does that even mean for us, especially during the menopause transition? So we're going to try and break that down, why it's so important to set realistic goals and how doing so can actually make this season one of your best yet. So, Julie, people always talk about setting new goals at the beginning of the year. January is the classic time. You know, health coaches are flooded with stuff, uh, PTs uh flooded with requests, gyms are really, really busy. Why do we need to get some end of clarity at this time of year? Why do we need end of year clarity?

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Well, it's it's an interesting question because one of my favorite um sayings, philosophical sayings, is when's the best time to plant a tree? And the answer is 20 years ago. And when the when is the next best time? And that time is now. We don't need to wait for some magical date, some magical turning of the of the planets to set goals. And I think a lot of times we put those things off thinking that there is some magic to waiting until the beginning of the year. And I'm all about new beginnings, but the great thing is that every day is a new beginning. So it's really important as we head into a season that can be super challenging and stressful and overwhelming for so many, especially women in this phase of life, when we're already dealing with the challenges of fluctuating hormones and changes to our bodies and other things that that may be happening. So getting really clear and setting some realistic goals as to how we can navigate this season so we don't have to wait for January to start out feeling like we're already behind, which is common to happen with a lot of people we talk to.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

Yeah. And of course, the other thing is that all the research shows that people who start a goal in January don't actually finish it. Because one of the things that people tend to do in January is set these incredible massive goals at the start of the month that are way too huge for them to actually complete or finish. And that's why by the end of the month, most people, I think it's something ridiculous, like 90% or something like that. Studies show that people drop off on those January goals. So, as much as setting goals for the end of the year, what we're really talking about here, I guess, is just having a little bit of a reset and getting some clarity in what is a busy season for the lovely women that we serve who are already busy enough as it is with all the other shizzle that's going on in their lives, right?

SPEAKER_00 3:30

Yeah, exactly. And I I know, especially because it isn't just the holiday season, it's year end, and there's a lot that happens in our careers, there's a lot that happens in our households, the weather's turning, so we feel like I know certainly I, when the weather gets really cold, there's a tendency to want to get into a little bit of a hibernation mode, things slow down a little bit. It's the days, the daylight is shorter, and it's easy to sort of put things aside for a sunnier time. I mean, the good news is that we're not very far away from the days starting to get longer again. So there is that. But really getting a reset now will help us navigate this season with so much more calm and so much more clarity that I think it would how would it feel really to enjoy the holidays without feeling like you're getting pulled in a hundred different directions at once? I know I would certainly like that.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

Yeah. And I think the truth is that whatever we advise people about, you know, trying not to set two big goals in January, people tend to do that anyway. So I always feel that this time of year is a nice time just to put a gentle foot on the accelerator. So you're just sort of like starting to ramp things up a little bit. Amongs finding the clarity and everything else, so you can actually hit the new year with a real sort of like sense of some forward momentum. You know, it's almost like you know, you start in a long distance racing, you're starting off with a sort of like a little bit of a slow jog and then pushing towards a stronger finish towards the end. You can actually see that end being the start of the year and January being a real time where you can kick on and make tons of progress if you put a bit of work in right now.

SPEAKER_00 5:20

Sure. And the work, like you said, James, it the work doesn't have to be big. The really cool thing about taking small steps now is establishing those practices and those habits for yourself so that you can avoid some of those things, those traps that are so easy to fall into during the holiday season. All of the parties, all of the goodies, all of the commitments, I think above all else. I know a lot of women focus on trying to avoid overindulging, but really I think avoiding overcommitments and focusing on working toward more calm and more balance would be a great place to start. Like practicing saying no to some things. Go figure.

unknown 6:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:05

How would that be? Because if you're not careful, life in general can run away with you, can't it? You know, there'll be the office party, they'll be preparing Christmas dinner, they'll be preparing uh wrapping presents, buying presents, food shops, all that kind of stuff. And then a lot of social commitments as well. It's a time to see friends and family, and it can be it can be soon very overstretched.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

Yeah, and and the a lot of those relationships aren't necessarily supportive at this time of year. So learning how to extend those kind daily kindnesses to ourselves, I think is a really, a really important relationship to rekindle and re-establish. Because when we can do those things and when we can practice them, especially before the busyness of the season really ramps up full swing, practicing those things now is going to make it easier to feel confident that you can continue to practice those things when life does get super hectic. And then again, you'll start the new year already with momentum. And that's, I think that's where people tend to have a lot more success instead of waiting, as you say, for those for those big transitional moments. Really, the big things are the little things.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

Yeah. So let's talk then about some practical steps towards reassessing, setting some goals at this time of year. Where does somebody actually start thinking about this? We're sort of like early November, you know, six, seven weeks to go. What's the actual first step somebody should be taking?

SPEAKER_00 7:55

Well, we can't get to where we want to be if we don't know where we're starting from. So one of the first things we need to do is look at where are we starting from? You know, assess that. How is our energy right now? What are some things that we're doing that maybe aren't supporting us? But what more importantly, and I think this is important for framing purposes, when we're looking at a goal, it's much more effective to look at where you want to go rather than what you want to move away from. Because the tendency is our brain doesn't understand, our subconscious mind doesn't understand negative the negative. So if you say, I don't want to do X, all your brain is going to hear is do X, do X. Instead, if we focus on I want to do Y, then we can focus on that point ahead that we want to get to. So how do you feel most energized? What really feeds you and boosts your energy? And on the flip side of that, which things make you feel more drained and stressed? And then look at your schedule. Where do you have time built in for rest and recovery? I know we talked about that in the last episode. Very, very important. And it isn't just about sleep, it's about taking those little pockets of time throughout the day, or at least once a day, to allow yourself that time to decompress and um re-decompress and reassess and reevaluate and just take that quiet time for yourself because you'll find that extremely nourishing. So where can you fit that in? Or are you pushing yourself so hard that you say, there's no way I can fit that in? In which case I would say you definitely need to fit that in more, you need it more than you realize you do. And then which which things are truly essential right now and which things can be scaled back? I know a lot of times our priorities, we look at our priorities in a in a way that is often dictated by others rather than deciding that for ourselves. So, what are your true priorities and what kinds of things can you let go of right now, or at least scale back a little bit, get some help and help and support, or just postpone until later on.

unknown 10:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

That would be my suggestion.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

To use here is um something called an energy audit exercise, whereby just have a little think. Um, and maybe you could do this at home if you're listening, just grab a pen and paper and write down three three numbers. What your current energy levels are like when it comes to your mental capacity, your physical capacity, and your emotional capacity, and grade those on a scale of one to ten. And actually, maybe make a few notes about where you think that drain may be coming from if it's a low number, or where the boost is coming from if it's a positive number. And then that is a really good starting point, isn't it? To to give that uh compass point, I suppose, to say this is where I'm starting from and this is where I want to go.

SPEAKER_00 10:58

Yeah, and it's a simple way with, I mean, we want to avoid complications and adding lots of extra things to our to-do list, right? So this is a really quick, quick way to take a measurement. Is we it's easier to manage things that we can measure. So if you check in with yourself, maybe daily, maybe weekly, and jot those things down and continue to reflect, you'll have a better idea of what's working for you and what's not, so that you can adjust along the way. And and do it with an open mind and a sense of curiosity, because this isn't ever a judgment. We all we all have stuff that we deal with. So it isn't about judging yourself or or doing it right or doing it wrong. It's about taking an assessment, being open and honest and curious to see what kind of things help and which kinds of things may not.

SPEAKER_01 11:50

Yeah. Anybody who's worked in any kind of coaching or training or HR who's uh listening to this will probably groan at what we're gonna talk about next. We're gonna talk about goal setting frameworks. Many people will have heard the acronym SMART for goals, creating SMART goals. So they're ones that are simple and straightforward, that's the S, meaningful, so they actually mean something to you. They're achievable, so you know that you can actually achieve them, they're relevant to your particular situation and also time-sensitive, but retaining a bit of flexibility in there. So with that in mind, Julie, if people are trying to come up with this idea of trying to come up with a relatable, simple, meaningful, achievable goal at this time of year, what kind of things can people who are listening do over the next six or seven years then that might align with their physical and emotional well-being during the menopause transition?

SPEAKER_00 12:47

Sure. Um, I think one of the things that's easiest, I know a lot of people go straight for the scale. Let's forget about that for right now. Um, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to find a way to manage stress. Now that's a pretty nebulous goal. So if you think about something that you enjoy doing that helps you relax a little bit, let's say it's uh journaling, for example. So your SMART goal might be to journal five times a week for 10 minutes each time. So that is a simple, it's a simple goal. It's fairly meaningful because you find it something that helps you de-stress. It's achievable because 10 minutes a day is you can usually find 10 minutes a day, even if it means setting the the binge watching or the phone aside for a little bit. Um, it's relevant because de-stressing is so important for your health. And time sensitive, you know, five days a week gives you some flexibility. So it's something that you can you can measure and uh and also stay flexible with on days when it really, really isn't something you can do.

SPEAKER_01 14:00

Cool. Okay, so let's talk then about how big uh steps people should be taking at this time of year. You know, what what is is actually appropriate from a what should should I be aim be uh what should I be aiming for? And I think we both agreed that this is not a time of year for sort of like aiming for something massive. It's not reach for the sky time of year, is it? It's more of a let's make sure we've got some things that we can achieve that are doable. And we would always say start with the smallest thing, the smallest step you can. We often say the smallest step you can take without actually tripping over your goal. A really good example, I think, is one that I did this morning I put on our social media was I had a massive pile of books that's been growing for the last I don't know, two years by the side of the bed. And I keep keep looking at them, I keep putting it off, picking one up, reading it. So the the pile of books keeps growing and growing and growing. It says I'm recommend recommending another one, buy it off Amazon, it's piled up there. And what I did this morning was something really, really simple. Small step. I took them all away, bar one, and I put them on the bookshelf out of the way. And now I've just got one book on the side of the desk. It feels much more manageable to do.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 15:20

Trying to work my way to a pile of 10 or 15 books that were there previous.

SPEAKER_00 15:26

So really, I share your book commitment, by the way. I did I did something myself. Well, I did something myself very similar today. I've been struggling to hydration is super important, and I've been struggling to drink enough water. So this morning I filled up a two-liter bottle that I want to finish by the end of my day, and I put it on my desk. So I don't have the excuse of having to get up and go into another room to fill my water bottle. It's right here, and it reminds me to drink every time I see it. And that's been that's been really a game changer already.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

Yeah. Really important then to anchor those goals in and make the behaviors as easy as possible. So anchor them maybe with some kind of a prompt. So you've got your water bottle there in front of you to remind you to drink. Um, other people might say, you know, every time I answer an email, I'm gonna have a drink of water to make sure they drink. Every time I have a meal, I'm gonna have a glass of water to make sure I drink enough. When I wake up in the morning and I have my coffee, I'm gonna have a glass of water with my with my coffee. So we've got some things that will actually make these habits more doable on a regular, regular basis. So, are there any other micro goals you think that might be able to contribute to this overall picture of well-being that would be useful to bring in as we head into the last sort of like six, seven weeks of the year?

SPEAKER_00 16:57

Sure. I know one of the things because we we often feel overwhelmed, we get exhausted, it's easy to flop down and stop moving. And I think movement is one of the most important things that we need to continue doing at this time of year. And even when it's cold outside, but one of those micro goals might be to put your walking shoes by the front door or next to the sofa to remind you to put them on and spend five minutes walking or going up and down the stairs or doing a few squats. I know for some people, I mean, now we all fast forward past commercials, right? Um, unless you unless you've got the lesser paid versions of some of the things, then you still get the commercials anyway. But maybe getting up and doing some jumping jacks or some squats during every advertisement that comes up. Something small like that, that you can again anchor to things that you're already doing, little reminders that are right there for you will help you remember. And again, setting those goals to be very small. It's five minutes or 10 minutes or something that's that's really doable. And making sure that you feel about 90% certain that you can do it before you make that commitment, because otherwise we've got that all or nothing mindset creeping in, and that is not our friend.

SPEAKER_01 18:18

It's a really simple question to ask yourself, isn't it? I think whenever you say to yourself any goal is and being honest with yourself, on a scale of one to ten, how confident are you that you can achieve this goal in that time? And if the answer is anything less than an eight, you really need to be shrinking the goal a little bit because otherwise it becomes really, really hard. And I'd even say try and find a way to push it up to a nine, and one of the ways of pushing it up to a nine or a ten is often to think about what things might go wrong. I was talking to somebody the other day, a prospective client for our group, and she was saying that she really struggles at time with um with walking. She wants to exercise, she wants to do some more walking, she only wants to do like 10-15 minutes a day. Um but that 10-15 minutes to her is a challenge. She said she was gonna be, she thought she could do it five times in a week. I spoke to her a week later and she did it three times, and then she said, James, you know, you're probably right. That goal that I set myself was was too big. I could manage three times, but five times was a challenge. The two times that she didn't manage it, she was so annoyed with herself. And I think that's one of the other things that we often get, isn't it, that can lead to some kind of stasis again in what we're doing. Is this trap of falling into the idea of perfectionism? If we don't do it five times a week, it's not worth doing at all.

SPEAKER_00 19:48

Yeah. Well, and and the truth is anything more than zero is a win. So if you're doing it zero times right now, maybe aim for one or two to start. And don't think that those little steps don't add up to anything because they really do. No matter how many times you do it, it's still more than zero. And as you continue to do these things and you find that it's doable, you will find the motivation to continue doing it. And you'll find the motivation once you start feeling good about it to continue doing it, maybe more often as you can build it in. So by when you start out with that one or two times instead of thinking, I'm gonna go straight for every day, um, it will set you up for success way faster because you're gonna get a lot further ahead if you do it once or twice a week for a month or six weeks than if you do it five times and then quit.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Yeah, absolutely. And then the other thing I think that helps with this is finding some support from somewhere. And you know, the obvious thing that people will say is, well, of course, you're health coaches, you know, accountability support is what you do, but it doesn't always have to come in the form of actually paying somebody to help you be accountable to your goals, does it? We've got, for instance, our Fabulous Beyond 40 Facebook group where people can come and can declare their actions and set goals in there or can be held and be held accountable, or people can be accountable to a friend, but often that is the accountability, is often the thing that keeps us honest when it comes to our goals. Showing up and telling somebody why you didn't do them, why you didn't achieve an action, what why it didn't happen can often be a strong motivator to making sure you do the thing in the first place. I remember I've never stuck more to any of my training regimes than when I've actually been had a hired coach to help me, or whether I've gone out, or when I've gone out and actually publicly declared this is what I'm what I'm going to do. And I see that a lot with our clients as well. Accountability is often really, really key to helping you achieve almost anything, really.

SPEAKER_00 22:06

Yeah, for sure. And as you said, it doesn't have to be something major. I I have an accountability buddy to this day. She and I have been accountability partners for over six years now. And we don't check in as often as we used to. But in it used to be in the morning, I'd send her a text and say, This is what I'm doing today. And at the end of the day, I would send her a quick text and say, I did it or I didn't do it. And if I didn't do it for a couple of days in a row, then she would she would text me back and say, What's going on? How do how can I support you? You know, why why isn't this happening? And a lot of times it's like you were saying earlier, I either set myself too big of a challenge, or I found myself just getting distracted or expecting perfection and not able to move forward with it. But having that accountability really kept me in check. Now we check in three times a week, and that works just as well because we know each other well enough now we can we can keep it going. So it could be a coach, it could be a friend, it could be, but just remember if you're doing this with friends or family members, you want somebody who's going to be really honest with you and and hold your feet to the fire because a lot of times people will feed each other in the in the opposite way, saying, Oh no, it's okay, you had a tough day, don't worry about it. And that's not the that's not what we're talking about for accountability. We want we want that moving in a positive forward direction.

SPEAKER_01 23:30

Sure. And a tough day is a reasonable excuse for people not to do something. But I suppose somebody who's been holding you truly accountable will then say, well, how do we actually avoid that trap again next week? Because we all have a lot of tough days, don't we? And particularly women in the menopause transition who've got so much stuff going on, there's a lot drawing on um energy levels, whether that be physical, mental, or whatever, and therefore your tough days aren't one-offs, the things that happen on a regular basis.

SPEAKER_00 24:07

Yeah. Well, and one of my favorite approaches is to say, what would this look like if it were easy? I mean, truly think about that. How can I make this easy for myself to do? And a lot of times you'll be surprised at how quickly the answers come.

SPEAKER_01 24:25

Excellent. So let's just go over everything again then. So all those steps. So, first of all, we talked about you know the importance of hitting this last part of the year with some gentle momentum. So you're revving up towards next year, but without overdoing it at this time of year where there's a lot of other commitments there. So trying to really just get goals or to manage your life in a way that feels achievable. To do that, we talked first of all about starting off by assessing your starting point, maybe using that energy audit exercise, looking at where your energy levels lie, where they lie, how much rest and recovery you need, and just trying to get a grip on where you're starting from. Because as you shared before, unless you know where you're starting from, it's all it's hard to know where you're where you're going going to. And then we talked about those goal setting frameworks, trying to make sure that they're as smart as possible, and trying to make that they're relatively small because the small wins give us some big motivation. Trying to avoid the perfection trap. I think we talked about that a little bit. And then you're getting that support from the communities uh in some way, shape, or form, having some kind of accountability. Is there anything I missed out there, Julie, or anything that you feel as though we need to add before we start to wrap up?

SPEAKER_00 25:43

Um, no, I think that I think that pretty much covers everything we talked about. Just remember self-compassion is going to be an important tool. Not everything is going to go as expected, and that's okay.

unknown 25:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

Cool. And so just to remind everybody, then we announced this last week, but we'll just run over it again. If you want some help figuring all this out, Julie and I are offering 40 free coaching sessions for women who are ready to reclaim their energy and balance this month. So the spots are limited. We've already got about five of them gone in just a couple of days since we started really offering this out there. Um, all you have to do is visit freecall.fabulousbeyond40.com. There's a little drop down there. You can choose to either talk to myself or to Julie. It's a 45-minute um destination setting call. So we will help you get the start of a roadmap to better health in your perimenopause or menopause journey absolutely free.

SPEAKER_00 26:48

Yes, these are not sales calls. Let's make that very important. Of course, if you want to know how to work with us further at the end of the call, we're happy to share that. But that's not the focus of the call or the purpose of the call. So there's no pressure whatsoever. We just want to help you because we know there are so many things going on, and you don't need to add one more thing to your to-do list. So let's help you make that a nice smooth path forward.

SPEAKER_01 27:12

Amazing. So that's the end of this episode, then. We will see you next time. We've been James and Julie from Fabulous Beyond 40. Stay strong and stay fabulous. Take care.